A King & A Friend
by gymjunky71
Summary: Merlin has let himself go and not in the way he teases King Arthur about. He is spreading himself thin, metaphorically and physically. Have his friends taken notice too late? Protective!Arthur & limp!Merlin.
1. Eve of the Winter Feast

_This fic was inspired by how much weight Colin Morgan dropped in series 2. Not a one-shot. _

**Chapter One**

**Eve of the Winter Feast**

* * *

><p>Though things on the magical front had quieted down for over two months, Merlin as still working hard. Between assisting Gaius and duties as the king's manservant, the only time he had to himself was while he was asleep. But now he was sleeping beside Gaius because of the ice-cold weather because it was winter time in Camelot and the hearth was perpetually burning in Gaius's chambers. As Merlin did not have a hearth in his connecting chamber, he and his guardian would bunk as close as they could to the fire with as many blankets and pillows as they needed.<p>

This made the nights survivable. The castle was excruciatingly drafty in the winter. Yawning hugely, he awoke with the usual gnawing hunger in his stomach. Blinking his deeply-set blue eyes dozily, Merlin carefully extricated himself out from under their blanket and quietly enchanted more wood to keep the fire going. Merlin was a rather tall man, around an inch taller than the new king himself.

Being thin made him appear taller than he really was. He had snowy pale skin and short black hair. For breakfast, Merlin had a slice of bread, cold meat, and cheese drunk down with ale.

He was cramming cheese into his mouth when Gaius limped over to him.

"Is that _all_ you're having?" the court physician asked of Merlin.

Merlin answered with his mouth full, "It's plenty enough for me, Gaius."

"You're thinner than the poorest lot in Camelot." Gaius barked at him. "All those clothes aren't going to be enough to keep you alive in _this_ ghastly weather. It's getting out of hand. I am concerned for you."

It was not unusual for Merlin to receive comments from folks around Camelot about his appearance. Merlin had noticed he was underweight as of late judging by how his clothes hung off him. Merlin was running out of shirts to layer beneath his jacket but this extra padding seemed to only draw more attention to him. Today, Merlin was decked out in a woolen hat, mittens, wool coat, and two layers of linen undergarments. His legs were always the coldest and his knobby knees would knock together while he shivered.

The strenuous labor that was required to scrub the floor, polish armor, carry heavy equipment, and running around after King Arthur was enough to keep him as skinny as he was. It did not give him bulky muscles like Arthur. But, it made him stronger than he appeared.

"I _have_ needed to poke new holes in my belt in the opposite direction Arthur's is going," Merlin joked, trying to make Gaius smile. "Don't be so concerned for me." Merlin grinned crookedly; in doing so, his cheeks were still hollow. "I'm fine."

Gaius scoffed, "Morgana won't need a spell to cast at you the next time you two row. All she'll need to do is enchant a gust of wind to snap you in two. Eat."

"I _have_!" Merlin chuckled uneasily, heading for the door. "I've got to get to work. I'll see you for supper, Gaius."

The castle was bustling with preparing for the annual winter feast tomorrow night. It has been preparing for the past month. In order to have more time to himself at night, Merlin would power through the day without his dinner (the 11 a.m. meal). He would eat whenever he could steal the chance. His nonstop responsibilities as the king's head manservant had not slowed down over his many years of employment.

If there was time to eat, there was time to clean. At the rate he has been performing, he was able to return to Gaius by 5 o'clock on most days. In the middle of the day, _every_ day, the king was presented with a fantastic supper. Everything laid out on the table in Arthur's chambers was highly seasoned and the sauces were very rich. Merlin's mouth watered particularly today. After a month of his inadequate diet, his body was just now started to struggle.

The beef, pork, and mutton were calling out to him. The irresistible aroma of cinnamon, sugar, ginger, and cloves clouded his brain. It was much warmer in Arthur's chambers than in Gaius's. He had repaired Arthur's shield, cleaned his boots, sharpened his sword, and polished his chainmail over the last few hours. Without being able to use magic, this has been very taxing on his arms.

Merlin doubted he could move them for much longer which was not good as he had several hours to go before his shift was over. Merlin carried Arthur's voiders, hauberk, and helmet over to the burning hearth and figured he did not need all these layers of clothes for now.

"Just how many layers have you got on, Merlin?" Arthur chuckled disbelievingly as Merlin removed layer after layer after layer.

"I get cold sometimes." Merlin replied sheepishly.

Arthur was a tall brawny man with large blue eyes, fair skin, endearingly-crooked teeth, pouty lips, and shiny blond hair. It was a bit painful to have to explain to the king, his oldest friend, about the differences in their lifestyles. Arthur was always assured comfort and security even when they went on quests together. Merlin on the other hand, not so much.

"You wouldn't _be_ cold if you had a bit of fat to you." Arthur pointed out.

Merlin set his jaw, "I'll get right on that, Arthur."

Arthur's brows furrowed with concern when Merlin winced a few times as he lowered to the ground. With difficulty, Merlin set about polishing these pieces of armor. He was glad he could partially rest for this chore, sitting on his coat on the floor to pad his boney buttocks. If he had been standing, he might have fainted. The way he had one leg out at an odd angle, his loose trousers were tightened and revealed just how boney his long legs had grown.

"You used to." Arthur commented.

Merlin did not look up, mumbling, "Sorry?"

"Be bigger." Arthur clarified. "You used to be bigger."

Merlin chuckled, "On the contrary, I've grown two inches taller since I arrived in Camelot."

The comments were starting to get to him. He couldn't tell himself people were teasing him anymore. But, he couldn't think of how to solve the situation. He was doing the best he could to be there for everyone in Camelot. Unintentionally, his own health fell to the wayside.

After a while of silence, Merlin realized that he was breathing harder than normal. He grimaced at how the muscles of his arms were aching and burning. He was needing to exert more energy to complete tasks he didn't used to break a sweat over. Merlin was trying not to fantasize about what he would eat if he were in Arthur's place when something hit him in the shoulder. It was a mutton chop.

Thinking it must have fallen from Arthur's table, Merlin picked it up and stretched to place it back. He was confused when he realized just how far he was sitting from the table and he met Arthur's watchful gaze.

"Did you _throw_ this at me?" Merlin asked Arthur indignantly.

"Eat it." Arthur encouraged kindly but with the slight edge Merlin often associated with an order.

Merlin narrowed his eyes and got to his feet, shaking his head. He brushed the chop on his neckerchief, exposing his jutting collarbones to the king. He placed the mutton chop back with the others on the silver plate.

"I'm not your hound, Arthur. I've got to get this polishing done now or else I'll be doing it through supper." Merlin said sternly, returning to his place on the hearth. "I've got to get a half-way-decent night's sleep to finish preparing for _your_ feast tomorrow. It's got to look perfect for your guests."

Arthur gaped, "You _used _to be entertaining. What happened to our back and forth bantering I so look forward to?"

Merlin polished away, "Maybe I've grown two inches out of it."

With his eyes on the armor, Merlin could not see how Arthur was appraising him so critically. This was the first time Arthur has shown concern for Merlin's thinness out loud. Indeed, Merlin used to have the energy to be himself_ throughout_ the day. Nowadays, Merlin was in his best mood whenever he got to eat and at his worst when he was working - which was more often than the former. His heart was pumping harder than it had been before he spoke to Arthur.

Placing that mutton chop back on the king's table had been a challenge. The smell of it on his shoulder and neckerchief was torture and his stomach finally betrayed him.

_Glugg-rr-glugg-rr-glugg_

Arthur was pitying him, "Merlin, taking time out to eat _one _thing cannot possibly put _that_ much of a dent -"

"You would not know, Arthur." Merlin interrupted him. "You've never polished armor before."

"Damn you!" Arthur pushed his chair back harshly and brought with him a clean mutton chop, "Your king orders you to eat this mutton chop or he'll have you put in the stocks. See how much _that'll _put a dent in your workday."

Arthur was never smooth when expressing concern. Merlin was thoroughly irritated.

He fixed Arthur with a glare, "What do you want from me? I'm doing the best that I can."

"Well I can do with a little worse from you," Arthur said, holding out the mutton chop before Merlin's nose.

It had been about five hours since Merlin had breakfast. Before he knew it, Merlin pounced on that mutton chop. Ripping it out of Arthur's hand and within a matter of seconds, he had inhaled everything and only chomping down hard on the bone let Merlin know that there was nothing left to eat. Arthur looked thoroughly unnerved by the display.

"You ate like a starving beggar." Arthur frowned, "Are you alright, Merlin?"

Groaning and rolling his eyes, Merlin dried his hands on his shirt and set about finishing his polishing. After that, Merlin was not pestered by Arthur again that day. But, little did he know that this incident had left an impression on the king ... his best friend.

**!*!**

While Merlin was mucking out the royal stables as his last chore, Arthur snuck away to the court physician's chambers. He could smell herring and fruit cooking. Was that an apple pie he smelled?

"Sire!" Gaius greeted him at his knock at the door, "What a surprise. Is something wrong with Merlin?"

Upon the door opening, Arthur was bemused to see the tiny feast laid out on the picnic table before the roaring hearth. As the midday dinner was traditionally largest meal of the day, Arthur found _their _supper rather unusual. Indeed there was an apple pie, herring, and cooked fruit as well as leafy greens. There was a bed moved off to the corner with an absurd amount of blankets and pillows piled up on it. He wondered if that was where these two men slept.

"It's funny that you ask." Arthur cleared his throat and stepped inside, "I've come to express some concerns - no - _complaints _about that certain good-for-nothing manservant of mine."

The rude remarks were taken in an adoring sort of manner.

"So soon after the last?" Gaius teased.

Arthur grinned, "Unfortunately. I am under the suspicion that Merlin is not taking care of himself ... or ill at least." He watched Gaius for signs of agreement, "He's pale and he's thin and I can't help but notice that he's getting worse." He cleared his throat awkwardly and added quickly, "His growling stomach is distracting. That's how it's not unnoticeable. Not that he looks like he's skin and bones."

Raising the subject of an employee's health was unusual but not unexpected for the new king of Camelot. Despite appearances and excuses, it was obvious how he favored Merlin. Gaius gazed down at the ground thoughtfully.

"Merlin told me once that he lived off a diet of porridge, peas, and beans in Ealdor ... How much he's grateful that has improved since he moved to Camelot." He met the king's gaze, "Merlin may weigh half that of a knight but he can frequently eat twice as much at supper. That much I can assure you, sire."

But, Arthur could see through Gaius. He sensed that Gaius was just as bothered by the subject as Arthur felt.

"If that's _true_, then _why _ on earth does he look like -"

Though Arthur's own cheeks were already hollow themselves, he sucked them in further for his impression of Merlin. Gaius was amused by it.

"It can be difficult to judge one's health by appearance alone." Gaius chuckled, "Merlin's a skinny lad. But, rest assured that he is fit for work."

Arthur doubted that Merlin was fit to _stand_. He half-expected to find him dead in the stable. It was reassuring enough that he saw the over-plentiful supper waiting for his sick friend.

Arthur sighed, "Thank you for your consultation, Gaius."

"Anytime, Sire." Gaius bowed.

Only when the door was closed did Gaius's face fall into despair. It must be worse than he had thought if the king of Camelot was going to the trouble to raise concerns. Merlin _was _getting worse. Gaius had to gather his composure when the door banged open not fifteen minutes later. Merlin had returned from the stables.

"I won't be having any of your excuses tonight." Gaius said before Merlin could get out a word. "You will sit at this table and eat. I don't care if you smell like horse dung."

"... _I_ do."

"That sounds like an excuse to me. Sit!" Gaius drove Merlin over to the table and pushed him down onto the bench forcefully. "Eat!"

Merlin frowned wide-eyed at his guardian, "What's gotten into you?!"

Shoving Merlin's helping in front of him, Gaius sat opposite him. Merlin tucked in and after a minute or two of lingering awkwardness, he ate with his usual gusto. He ate till he was fit to burst and went to bed exhausted.


	2. Morning of the Winter Feast

**Chapter Two**

**Morning of the Winter Feast**

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><p><strong>MERLIN<strong>

All that apple pie, herring, cooked fruit, and salad had been delicious. It had been a long while since Merlin's stomach distended as far as it had the night before. So long that he forgot it was a bad idea to go to sleep with his stomach that full. His belly had felt tight and uncomfortable. But by morning it had deflated and was concave once more. He was reminded why it was an unwise decision when he felt an unpleasant burning pain from within his chest and up his neck.

"Good morning, Merlin." Gaius woke him. When Merlin groaned and swatted his hand away, Gaius added defensively, "You asked me to make sure you're up before daybreak."

"I'm not feeling good, Gaius." Merlin admitted, rubbing his boney chest when he rolled over onto his back.

Gaius sat down on the bed in his nightgown.

"I thought something might happen. I just didn't consider you'd eat as you had last night and was too pleased by the success to stop you." Gaius instructed him, "Give me your symptoms. A burning sort of feeling, is it?"

Pitifully, Merlin grimaced, "Yes. Can you give me something for it? I've got to clear the courtyard for Arthur's guests."

"Of course," Gaius left to his collection of herbs. "Heat the water while I'm working. You won't be late."

Evidently the temperature had plummeted since yesterday for how his breath was smoked out before his nose. Merlin got out of bed gingerly, feeling sluggish. In spite of the roaring fire going, the temperature of the chamber was cutting at Merlin like icy blades. Merlin couldn't remember feeling this cold _indoors_. He had felt warm enough going to bed.

Perhaps it was the contrast? Gaius crushed nine different herbs into a stone bowl, ingredients which included licorice and milk thistle. Merlin enchanted a small bowl of water to hover over the crackling fire. When it was warm enough, he magically set it on Gaius's work desk. Gaius collected the crushed herbs into a tea bag and dipped it into the water.

Merlin took a sip.

"How is it?" Gaius asked tentatively.

Merlin replied, "It tastes like mild peppermint tea." He drained the bowl as quickly as he could without burning his throat. "I've got to get dressed now."

Merlin shaved his strong jaw line and neck with care; he was so much more angular now. He then dressed into his finest set of clothes, regretting that he could not get away with layering as he had for the last month. This uniform consisted of a cavalier tunic, velvet tights, soft gloves, and cavalier boots which made his legs look even _more_ like stilts. He was very tall but the tunic was roomier than he remembered it being. He secured his tunic about his jutting hips with a leather belt.

He found this outfit too flashy for his taste, but that was its intended purpose: to show off Camelot's wealth to the royal guests.

Gaius set Merlin a plate of his usual so as to not upset his stomach further, "I should apologize about last night."

Merlin scratched at his long neck, "Why? It was wonderful."

"I want you to know how much I admire you, Merlin. I care for you as I would my own child." Gaius guided Merlin to sit at their little table, "You are the most powerful wizard of all time. Hell, I stopped being able to help you with your tasks years ago. But, first and foremost, you are a good man. Always running around, trying to save the day. There's no doubt in my mind that you would be doing just that even if you had to do it without your extraordinary abilities. Just don't forget that there are people in your life that worry for you."

Merlin furrowed his brows, "Thank you, Gaius. But, I already knew all of that."

He gave him a genuine grin and embraced him. This might have been a small mistake for Gaius could feel every bone in Merlin's spine through his thick tunic. Gaius's words were inflating Merlin like a happy bubble and he nearly forgot how cold he felt.

* * *

><p><strong>ARTHUR<strong>

Arthur knew he shouldn't feel so disappointed when he saw that Merlin looked no different than he had the day before - in fact, he looked _worse_. How can he possibly walk on those skinny legs? That tunic made him look thinner than ever before. That supper Gaius had waiting for Merlin seemed to have lulled Arthur into a false sense of hope. Merlin awoke Arthur at daybreak and it was obvious how he was not feeling well.

Arthur noticed how Merlin kept pressing on his sternum and how often he cleared his throat. He felt almost guilty eating his breakfast while Merlin steamed out the wrinkle's in the king's clothes and filled the bath. But, as usual, Merlin completed it all without one complaint. Outside, Arthur watched Merlin quivering in the gentle - albeit rather nippy - breeze. Arthur was a strong man in his mid-twenties, thick with muscle, able to withstand harsh conditions if need be.

He had been through a lot of impossible situations with Merlin over the years. They made it out of several close calls and Merlin was absurdly loyal to him. Arthur felt a sort of duty to return the favor. Merlin had not said a word to him since waking him up with his breakfast of meat and cheese. Now dressed in his finest clothes, he was standing with Merlin at the top of the steps down to the outdoor courtyard.

"Are you still angry with me for yesterday?" he finally demanded of Merlin.

Merlin looked away from him pointedly. That was a 'yes'. Then he pressed on his sternum again. Maybe Merlin was trying to hide it.

"I need this area to be cleared of snow for the arrivals. I've got plenty of servants already working on it." Arthur sighed, "After yesterday, your duties will be much less laborious -"

Clearly spurned, Arthur could not stop Merlin from snatching up the last shovel and setting to work with the other servants.

* * *

><p><strong>MERLIN<strong>

The relief of Gauis's tea was wearing off as the day wore on. Shoveling snow was harder work than Merlin anticipated in his current condition. But, within the hour the courtyard was cleared of snow and they were pouring bags of salt onto the stone to melt away the falling snow when Merlin was approached by Queen Guinevere. She had dark olive skin, a curvaceous figure, and an abundance of long dark curly hair. She was wearing a beautiful corseted dress underneath her cloak and holding a mug in her hands.

"Gaius would not be happy to know that you were working out in these conditions while sick," Gwen told him kindly. "This is for you."

Towering over her, Merlin could not get annoyed with _her_ and bowed, "I'm not sick, your majesty."

She handed him the mug. Merlin recognized the smell - it was more of that tea. He drank it down while the other servants looked on at this display of favoritism from their queen. When he was done, he tried to stand in such a way that would be respectful but also disguise how thin his legs were. The puffy sleeves of his tunic could hide how thin his arms were. It was very challenging to stop shivering in front of her and steady his voice.

It made him look very stiff. The tea had helped a bit and the burning sensation behind his sternum was numbing away.

Gwen giggled then eyed him critically, "I really think you ought to come inside. If the rumors be true, the servants of our guests are not so friendly as you."

Merlin raised a brow, "Arthur sent you, didn't he?"

"I can't come check on an old friend on my own accord now that I'm queen?" Gwen teased.

Merlin chuckled, "It's just ... he hasn't gotten off my back since yesterday. I don't know why everyone is being so ... pest-y."

"Arthur _can_ get pest-y when he's caring." Gwen wrinkled her nose cutely, "I brought you something else in case you'd say 'no'."

From within her cloak she unveiled three fried fig pastries and she placed them in his large boney hand. Merlin glanced up at the castle windows, half-expecting to find Arthur spying out of one of them. At least _Gwen_ had the decency to_ hand_ Merlin a treat unlike _Arthur_ who thinks throwing one at his shoulder is perfectly polite. Merlin sighed and ate one in front of Gwen just to pacify her. It was deliciously sweet.

"Thank you, Gwen." Merlin grinned, eating another.

"I'll see you in a few," Gwen nodded and gave a '_brrrr_' as she turned to return to the warmth of the castle.

Merlin instantly resumed shivering like a rattlesnake tail the moment those doors closed. He was in pain from the cold and he moved away from the other servants so that they wouldn't hear him moaning. By 10 a.m. the guests started arriving.


	3. The Arrivals

**Chapter Three**

**The Arrivals**

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><p><strong>MERLIN<strong>

The weather was taking a turn for the worse by the time the guest arrived. Merlin could not hide how cold he was anymore. Merlin was standing at the top of the stone staircase, flanking the Knights of the Round Table standing behind the king and queen. Gwaine and Elyan were nearest to Merlin and shot him concerned glances. Elyan had very dark skin, short coarse hair, and dark eyes. Gwaine had fair skin, long brown hair and beard, and dark eyes.

"If he shivers any harder, he might break apart into a thousand shards." Elyan commented in an undertone to fellow knight.

Gwaine shifted closer to Merlin though he could not touch him at the moment. He might have been hoping Merlin could feel his body heat. But Merlin was always impressed by the festivities that were held at the castle in Camelot and focused on that to distract him. Jugglers, acrobats, and a singer were among the entertainments.

Arthur teased Merlin, "Brought them here just for you to cheer you up."

Merlin finally decided to lay aside his irritation with Arthur.

He choked out while he shivered on, "H-Ha-ha-a. F-Funny, t-turnip-head-d."

Merlin was surprised he could get out anything intelligible. Glad that they were back to their banter, Arthur turned to smirk at Merlin but was unnerved by how much Merlin was shivering. So his smirk was a small grimace. But, Merlin did not see him staring. He was surprised to see who the guest was when he recognized the emblem on the flags.

The Queen of Caerleon, Annis. Auburn hair, blue eyes, and fair skinned. She was a beautiful and formidable woman. She was once an enemy of Camelot because Arthur had executed her husband, Caerlon. But, Arthur showed mercy during a combat with one of her soldiers and she absolved him of his grave mistake. She was outfitted in fluffy pelts that billowed in the gust. Then Merlin saw her servants.

Unwieldy and bulky they were, riding alongside the ornate horse drawn carriage on their own leggy horses. It was as if they were watching something unpleasant. Their eyes were hard and angry by contrast to their queen. Merlin downturned his lips, agreeing with Gwen's warning. They did _appear _unfriendly.

Arthur spread his arms wide in welcome to the queen stepping down from the carriage. It was getting so cold that Merlin couldn't feel his big ears anymore. He numbly descended the staircase with the other Camelot servants to help unpack the carriages with Annis's servants.

"Hello, I'm Merlin." He managed to greet the one that looked the most friendly.

This was a bit kind to describe this woman as. She did not meet Merlin's gaze and brushed by his extended hand. Merlin tried to exchange looks with his own fellow employees but they were ignoring him at the moment for when Gwen brought him a treat. Merlin sighed, huffing out air like the smoking breath of a dragon.

He was a dragon lord after all. But it was hard to remember that in situations like this. Merlin tried to do as much of the heavy lifting as he could to get back into the good books of his fellow servants. After a while, they did seem to warm back up to him (they would look him in the eye and reply if he said something). But, it was still stiff and indifferent. They did seem to have a common foe, however.

Annis's servants just grunted and shoved through any obstacle, human or otherwise. Merlin was coming back from helping put their horses in the stable when he tripped and landed hard on the ground. He groaned and sat back, examining his knees. His tights were torn there and he had diced up his skin. He glared over at where the metal plate had rolled from but saw that the servants were not paying him any mind.

Trembling, he pushed himself to his feet and scooped up the plate.

He brought it over to them, "You lost something?"

One hulky man turned to take the plate from him. Up close, Merlin noticed something peculiar. There was a glassy look to this man's eyes. Merlin tried to check everyone else's eyes from where he stood. He flinched when the man jerked the plate out of his slackened grip.

"What're you starin' at, skinny?" Annis's servant barked.

Merlin liked them better when they did not talk. He narrowed his eyes and retreated quickly without reply. His fellow servants were eyeing him remorsefully. Merlin had that affect on people. He just had this aura of adorability. Or pitiful-ness, depending on who you asked.

His knees were still throbbing. Once all the chores were done, Merlin ducked into his chambers to change into his second pair of leggings. With dread, he cleaned his cuts with alcohol before changing. This pair of leggings was not velvet but he hoped Arthur wouldn't notice the difference. He had enough on his plate to worry about Merlin's attire.

He thought some more about the servants' strange eyes. It was like they were dazed. But that man's voice had sounded clear enough. Merlin made himself more of the tea he saw Gauis make for him that morning because the painful sensation was returning to his chest and throat. He thought he might have missed a few ingredients but he did not have the time to check through that massive book. He dipped some bread in it to fill his stomach.

This will have to do till dinner time. Though these parties did tend to run very late and he'd be expected to undress the king. This was going to be a long, _long_ day.

* * *

><p><strong>ARTHUR<strong>

Arthur had not seen Merlin since he left him to tend to Queen Annis's belongings along with the other servants. He had not liked allowing it. But, he could not think of an excuse to keep Merlin inside while his other servants worked hard. Merlin had done everything perfectly. No chore was left incomplete.

The dining hall was absolutely splendid. If he didn't know better, he'd say the decorations were placed up high by magic. Arthur was slightly irritated at his inability to concentrate on relaxing and celebrating while his friend had gone missing. Because of how Merlin's body looked and how Merlin had devoured that mutton chop yesterday, Arthur could only imagine the worse. He saw Merlin buried beneath snow.

He saw Merlin locked outside the gates in the snow storm which chose today of all days to billow in from the north. He saw Merlin getting beaten by those ugly servants of Annis's. His smile slackened during the conversations as his mind drifted off into those terrible things. Gwen patted his arm and Arthur jerked out of his reverie.

"My apologies," Arthur smiled. "... I just keep worrying that I missed something."

"You work very hard, king Arthur." Annis complimented him. "Relax. This is a splendid party. I am most impressed."

Arthur bowed his head, "Then I am most pleased."

Their guest of honor moved off to mingle with the knights. Arthur watched her go without really seeing her, slipping back into his hellish worries over Melrin. Each scenario was more unlikely than the prior, but they kept coming.

"Arthur?" Gwen patted his arm again, "What's wrong?"

Arthur finally gave in, feeling confident his wife would not judge him, "You talked to Merlin in the courtyard?" Gwen nodded. "How did he seem?"

Gwen sighed, "Merlin is alright, Arthur. He ate the treats. Two in front of me and the last after I left. I saw from the window."

Arthur smacked his lips, "Of course he'd accept a favor from you and not from me."

Gwen grimaced, "Arthur, I think you're worrying too much. Yes, Merlin does look frighteningly thin. But, he is a grown man. He takes his health seriously. He lives with our court physician who _adores _him. Gaius would raise the alarm if Merlin caught a slight cough. And apparently you would as well." She smiled up at Arthur, moving him behind a pillar to keep their conversation from being overheard. "It's sweet ... but imagine how you'd feel if Merlin tried to make decisions regarding _your _eating habits."

Arthur scoffed, "But, he does! He calls me fat every day. Merlin once stole my sausages and switched my breakfast with a moldy apple."

Gwen giggled, "You two have grown close. I understand your concerns. I have them, too. But, I think you have to pull back a little. You're not his keeper."

"You're right." Arthur nodded curtly. "He's supposed to be mine. Where the hell is he -?"

Right at that moment, as though on cue, Merlin arrived. Arthur noticed that Merlin had changed out of his velvet tights. It was obvious because the velvet ones were olive while these were dark green. It was also possible he noticed this because those skinny stilts were unable to ignore. Arthur noticed Merlin was walking with a slight limp. This was going to be a long day.


	4. The Party

**Chapter Four**

**The Party**

* * *

><p><strong>MERLIN<strong>

This must be what it's like to be the king of Camelot what with how many people stared shamelessly at Merlin when he past them. He has been getting comments for a long while now. Why were people starring especially tonight? He paused to check his reflection in a window for anything he might have missed cleaning up. These leggings were tighter than the velvet ones.

With the top, it made him look like a very tall lollipop that could tip over at any moment. Merlin narrowed his eyes at the secondhand leggings. He knew that the servant had tripped him on purpose. Gwen had warned him that they were not friendly but this type of antics were usually gone in adulthood. That man was lucky that magic was outlawed in Camelot.

Once Merlin could rejoin the party, he figured the Knights would be there to fend them off. He wasn't too worried about another encounter. But, Merlin tried to pass by Queen Annis's servants without detection. There were roughly ten outside the guest chamber for Queen Annis, carrying in boxes. He did not need to tear this last best pair, making a point of walking by without giving sign that his knees hurt or that his heartburn was bothering him.

"He can't be _that_ favored. Look at him. Favored servants are fatter than the rest."

"Oi, Chicken Legs! Do you _ever_ eat?"

Merlin slowed his pace. This felt just like after he first met Arthur years ago. Arthur had taunted Merlin into a spar. But, he had armed Merlin with a mace to make the fight even. A lot has been revealed about the then-prince since.

Sure, he still got on Merlin's nerves frequently. The pompous prat. He has improved immensely since. Merlin was comforted by the thought that if Arthur were here now, he would be defending him. But with the party going on, Merlin was very much alone.

Merlin sped up to pass them, avoiding their gleeful and stupid eyes.

"You look like those kids starving in the wild. Just stretched six feet high." One called out to Merlin's back. "What are those kids called? Druids?"

The servant can't know that this was a bait Merlin couldn't resist. He did not know who exactly he was picking on. Not just a mere servant. Merlin was about the same height as this man, who was twice the brawniness of Arthur. Merlin had experienced bullying while growing up in Ealdor.

It only stopped when he moved to Camelot. So, he never got to stand up for himself before.

Riding on a wave of old anger, he turned around, "Those children are truly dying out! How horrible are you?!"

His heartburn took that moment to make itself known. Merlin pressed his fist to his sternum, unable to soothe it. The tea was taking longer to get working. When he opened his eyes, the biggest servant had closed the distance between them. Gazing his watering blue eyes upward, Merlin had just a second to see his fist raise.

The next second, Merlin was knocked to the floor by the blow and his jaw felt broken. Feeling at it, Merlin knew it was not. But it might as well be for how tender it felt, making him recoil his callused fingertips. Gaius would have to examine him. Merlin rolled his eyes, regretting the examination already.

It would give Gaius the excuse to look at his thinness in better detail. Merlin flinched when the servant stomped closer. No one was coming to Merlin's aid, least of all Arthur. Merlin had made no more than a grunt at the blow. Maybe if he had shouted -

"Hold back, man." said another servant. "You'll break him into pieces. Don't wanna have to sweep him up."

The man who punched Merlin knelt down, "That chamber was too filthy for my queen. Learn to use a broom, Chicken Legs. Before I make you into one!"

Positively guffawing, the servants left Merlin. Struggling on the floor, Merlin freed his hand. Aiming it at the rug beneath the servants feet, his eyes glowed gold. The rug shifted forward beneath their feet and they all fell on their backsides like dominos.

Merlin had meant to do worse but was stopped by a painful throb. It was like his magic was backfiring inside his body, too weakened to pull off the simple spell. Merlin wrenched himself off the floor, feeling his every bone quivering. While the servants collected themselves, he hurried down a few corridors till he reached a windowsill. Satisfied with the distance he placed between himself and those blokes, he decided to take a break.

He could not blame Gwen's good intentions for the assault. If he had just kept walking, he might have been spared. But, Merlin did not regret his outburst. He smacked his lips, feeling a cut swelling there. Merlin sagged on the windowsill, realizing he couldn't possibly hide these injuries from anyone. If only Annis's servant had aimed at his shoulder or any other part of him that was clothed. He was cold and sore and totally not in the mood to run around after spoiled royals.

But, this was his job when he was not saving Albion from magical foes. His absence will be noted. Arthur might even empty-threat to fire him. Merlin would tell Gaius about his spell mishap later. He hoped it happened only because he was in pain already.

He was the greatest sorcerer in the world. His magic has never failed him like this before. Hopefully this was just a hiccup. Merlin sighed and stood up with some difficulty. He couldn't tell if he was still shaking in the aftermath of the assault or if he was shivering in the drafty castle. From the windows he passed by, he could watch the snow pilling up on the rooftops of the castle.

Almost upon entering the party, he could feel Arthur's eyes on him. With all the people packed into this room, the temperature was considerably warming than anywhere else in the castle. Still Merlin worked to keep his arms from shivering while he carried trays of decadent snacks around and watched while Camelot's guests stuffed themselves silly. He hoped after a couple goblets of wine, Arthur would relax. He did his best to avoid having to cross paths with the king.

But, there was only so many routes he could take through the lavish dining hall before it would become obvious to _everyone_ whom he was avoiding.

"Mutton chop?" Merlin offered sarcastically.

Arthur eyed Merlin inscrutably, "Baiting an apology from me with food?"

Merlin chuckled, "It's worked in the past."

"What is_ that_?" Arthur had spotted the bruise on Merlin's jaw even in this dim candle lighting. "That wasn't there an hour ago -"

Merlin pretended he couldn't hear him over the singer, "Great voice! If you don't want these, I better pass them around to your guests, Sire."

Arthur only stopped staring when Gwen ran over to them, "Come on, Arthur. The dance is about to start. Hello, Merlin."

Gwen winked up at Merlin.

Merlin bowed his head, "Thank you again for the treats. It's so nice to be treated fairly."

Merlin was just turning away from them when he caught the eye of the servant who had punched him. Maybe the candle lighting wasn't all that dim because Merlin could see that he was sneering over at him. Merlin gulped, remembering how his magic had felt so weak, and took a route to avoid the servant. He was in such a hurry that he bumped the king into the corner of a table. But, Arthur did not say anything.

No name calling whatsoever. Merlin would take this as a bad sign, a sign that Arthur was too worried about him to make jokes. But, he just wanted to make it to the end of this holiday without another injury. He could not risk doing magic again lest these servants are cleverer than he gives them credit for. The dance began when the royals reached the center.

The servants all moved to the sidelines with their trays and had to stand still. Merlin tapped his foot in time to the music, giving himself something to do. He started to fidget when his stomach felt empty again. Unfortunately, he had to stand right beside his attacker. Merlin bit his tongue to resist arguing with the servant while the dance was going on. His foot stopped tapping not long after the servant got going. Merlin could smell the alcohol on his breath.

Really, it was amazing to him how this brutish man could basically carry on a conversation with just himself. He made assumptions about Merlin and his relationship with the king. Some were true, most were false. Merlin guessed that the mystery was what kept him going on and off for nearly an hour. Even Arthur's other servants were feeling uncomfortable, those overhearing the verbal assault.

A few times while he was trying to avoid catching the servant's gaze, he caught Arthur's instead. Finally, Merlin saw an excuse to leave the wall. Gaius had arrived at the party.

* * *

><p><strong>ARTHUR<strong>

It was when Merlin walked away from the wall that Arthur seized his opportunity. He had been watching his friend being taunted by this servant through this whole dance number. He could hardly catch a word but the expression on Merlin's face told him enough. Merlin was so obviously furious, that tray in his hands was quaking. This servant of Queen Annis was clearly the one who punched Merlin's face and was bringing down Arthur's own holiday mood.

God have mercy for this poor man, for he just became one of Arthur's problems. He approached the servant to give a command. He could smell the alcohol off the servant's breath and enjoyed the man cowering in his presence. Servants weren't allowed to drink while on duty.

"I need another barrel of ale from the kitchens. I think you know where that is already." Arthur sneered. "You're a strong looking lad. You can accomplish this on your own, can't you?"

The servant bowed out of the room hurriedly. Arthur glanced back at the party to see that Gwen was occupied with a few of his knights. Merlin was holding his face out of reach of Gaius. For once, no one was watching for the king. Arthur slipped out of the room.

He considered throwing the servant in the stocks but he would 'unfortunately' freeze to death in the snow storm howling outside. Arthur quietly followed the servant down the staircase then grabbed him by the arm and slammed him against the nearest stone wall. The servant might be taut with muscle from years of hard labor but Arthur was a knight. Plus, he wouldn't dare strike a king.

"It's not as much fun when your opponent is the same size, is it?" Arthur snarled.

The servant just kept breathing shallowly and did not reply. He might pee himself he was so terrified.

"If you touch him again ... I will _end _you." Arthur growled in the servant's ear.

The cowardly large servant finally spluttered drunken apologies but Arthur shoved him to the floor. Leaving him cowering there, Arthur returned to the party feeling much better. As expected, the party lasted into the late hours of the night. It was three o'clock when he was being escorted by Merlin back to his chambers. It would have been earlier if Arthur could help it.

But, he needed to keep relations friendly between him and Queen Annis for the good of Camelot. She was an important ally. But he felt like apologizing to Merlin, regretting how late the hour had stretched. Merlin was visibly drained and he was back to not talking rubbish as usual. Arthur missed the old Merlin dearly.

He had only stopped one of Merlin's evidently long list of problems.

"Is there something wrong with you?" he asked.

He could see that his tone of voice had an effect on Merlin by how his friend paused. His voice was soft but urgent. It was not accusatory like the other night. He did not like how he could so easily see the muscle in Merlin's jaw flex. Arthur waited, sitting at the foot of his bed watching Merlin unfold his nightgown.

"Nothing I'm not in control of," Merlin replied.

Arthur sighed. It was hard resisting the urge to demand the whole truth. He wondered if maybe Merlin was just too exhausted to hold an in depth conversation. Merlin dressed Arthur in silence. But, it wasn't the usual cold silence.

It was a different kind. An occupied kind. Only punctured periodically with Merlin clearing his throat and pushing on his sternum. Merlin was leaving when Arthur spoke once more for the night.

"Don't turn into an ice sculpture before you get to your chambers," Arthur said to his back. "Seriously. Bundle up. The weather's only gotten worse."

It was in the same friendly tone. So, Merlin smiled back at him over his shoulder. Arthur narrowed his eyes at that ugly bruise, wishing he had been there to stop it. Gwen entered the room in her nightgown and they curled up together on his bed, both exhausted from the day of partying. Arthur hoped Merlin would sleep this soundly.


	5. The Holiday Joust

**Chapter Five**

**The Holiday Joust**

* * *

><p><strong>MERLIN<strong>

Merlin knew Arthur had done something about the assault. The servant had given him too wide of a birth and hurried out of sight. If not Arthur, at least one of the knights. He wondered if the servants were dumb enough to spread the tale to Camelot's own employees. Jealousy of Arthur's favoritism towards Merlin would not keep them from doing what is right.

Merlin hesitated at the pointed archway leading out to the outdoor corridor that was the shortest route to Gaius's chambers. Bracing himself for the howling storm outside, Merlin tugged the door open. He was sucked out into the storm and the gust stabbed at him like a thousand swords had been carried off in this hellish wind. He hastily ran down the corridor, blinded by the swirling snow. He pushed through the door with his shoulder, sighing when he felt the warmth of home.

Gaius jerked awake at his desk, already in his nightgown. Like the night Gaius had stuffed Merlin silly with food, he plopped his ward down on the bench. So hard, Merlin winced at the boniness of his backside on the hard surface.

"_Now_, want to tell me how _that _happened?" Gaius demanded, gesturing angrily at Merlin's bruise and cut lip.

Merlin breathed, "I think something's wrong with my magic, Gaius."

He briefly recounted the assault, how he felt such intense pain while casting a simple spell, how it made him stop. Gaius did not look surprised at all. Just sad.

"I have a theory and I expect you're going to reject it." Gaius disclaimed. "It's your health. Where do you think your magic gets its potent energy? You _barely_ scrape by doing manual labor. How do you expect your special abilities to fare while your body deteriorates?"

"It's not deteriorating!" Merlin began angrily. "I've just been skipping a meal here and there. It really can't be what's wrong."

"You just proved my point. Right at the beginning, you said _'something's wrong with my magic' _... not _'something is wrong with _me_'_. You care more about your magic than you do yourself. More about your destiny than keeping yourself healthy and happy!"

"I am, though!" Merlin insisted.

"You weren't like this before," Gaius recalled. "What changed, Merlin?"

Merlin fell silent, considering Gaius's diagnosis. His magic could have a connection to his physical strength. But, Merlin had always been a bit of a wimp - especially when compared to the knights. He became stronger through his job with Arthur, training him and doing tough manual labor. He was never muscular.

However, hardly anything but muscle clung to his bones now. Merlin knew what had changed but he was too ashamed to admit it to Gaius. Gaius who loved him and looked after him even as an adult. Merlin ought to have known better. He should have taken better care of himself.

He had neglected himself just to get more sleeping hours and time to himself. As an adult and the greatest sorcerer in history, he'd need to fix this on his own.

Gaius sighed sadly, "Well, maybe you'll take this as a warning sign. You can't hope to continue this regimen much longer, Merlin. It's got to stop. The next warning might be too late."

Merlin's mind was sent racing. He imagined himself facing off against Morgana. Her icy pale skin, emerald eyes surrounded by dark circles to rival Merlin's own, and her flowing raven hair. Her long black dress and honeyed voice. That clawed hand slicing through the air and sending him flying backwards.

He shook himself out of this waking nightmare. If he could not trip a group of idiotic servants, how could he feel confident off against facing Morgana again in the future? Merlin did not feel ready to admit this out loud. He was desperate to get into shape ... at least whatever shape he was in when his magic was unstoppable.

Merlin gazed down at his meal, which had gone cold, "I'm afraid that what happened last night will happen again."

"You can't afford to go the night without eating. I don't care how much your heartburn is ailing you. I do not wish to wake up next to a corpse." Gaius told him sternly.

Merlin could feel Gaius's seriousness radiating off of the elderly physician. But he was so beyond exhausted and sore. He just managed to finish off a little over a half of his bowl of peas and beans, which did not go unnoticed by Gaius. There had been no leftovers from the party. He washed it down with a goblet of beer and climbed into bed without undressing.

The heartburn flared with a vengeance before sunrise no more than three hours later. Merlin felt like hands were gripping the rims of his ribcage. Miserably, Merlin lied awake till he would have to get Arthur's day started. He needed more pillows to sit up. But, he only had one.

After a series of testing positions, each one more uncomfortable than the last, Merlin gave up and got out of bed. He did not feel hungry despite his flat belly and he felt weak. He set about making himself breakfast, remembering his resolve from a few hours ago. A goblet of the special tea with a serving of preserved anchovies and trout. It was not the most fragrant of breakfasts but Merlin was too lethargic for anything more complicated.

The odor awoke Gaius. He put on his glasses to see what Merlin was eating.

"Fit in bread if you can." he yawned before turning over and pulling Merlin's pillow over his face.

Merlin wilted, "Ok."

Stuffed, Merlin went to his adjacent chamber to change out of his outfit from the day before. It must be at least twenty degrees colder than the main chamber. Merlin's teeth chattered together as he reluctantly peeled off his holiday uniform. When he opened his wardrobe, he found he could not remember what was scheduled for today. He flinched when the bright sun poked him in the eyes through his flimsy wooden shudders high up on the wall.

Merlin groaned. The snow storm has passed and, consequently, there might be outdoor activities scheduled. Taking that shot in the dark, Merlin pulled on his heavy-duty outerwear clothes. Water-repellant leather boots, thick trousers tucked into them, his stale itchy old wool coat, and a clean linen tunic. He wrapped his red scarf snuggly about his long neck.

Pulling on his gloves, every inch of him was covered but his very thin face. He checked his injuries in his mirror. He felt and pinched at his sunken cheeks. He explored his protruding cheekbones and sharpened jaw line, avoiding the area that was struck. The bruise stood out starkly from his colorless skin in reds, greens, and purples.

Merlin wished he had put some snow on it to reduce its size the night before. It hurt too much to touch. It had even hurt while he was eating but he pushed through it. His lip was swollen, having bitten into it accidently during the assault.

Still very tired from the inadequate sleep but better by comparison to the day before.

His mouth tasted like blood and a tooth felt a tad loose in its socket. He cleaned his teeth with the extra time he had. He spent a few minutes wrenching the door open because snow had pilled up against it, his breath unfurling like the smoky breath of a dragon. He dropped by the kitchens to pick up Arthur and Gwen's breakfasts.

* * *

><p><strong>ARTHUR<strong>

A warm ornate canopy bed and his wife sleeping beside him were just the right ingredients to give the worried king of Camelot a good night's rest. He awoke refreshed from a dreamless sleep. He had not drank much the night before and when he remembered why, his mood took a downturn. Merlin. Merlin being attacked by one of Queen Annis's servants. Arthur would make certain they did not touch Merlin again.

But, with the jousting tournament scheduled for today, it was going to be impossible to keep his eye out for Merlin continually. His presence ought to be enough to intimidate that man from attacking again. But, pride can make a man do stupid things. He watched Gwen sleeping for a little while, unable to fall back asleep. The sun has risen and Merlin should be arriving any moment with breakfast.

He stroked her cheek and felt her soft hair. Gwen had remained healthy after taking on her duties as queen of Camelot. Their marriage was fairly young. Would she go the same way as Merlin, too? Would the stress get to her as he has watched it do to Merlin?

Two of the strongest people left in his tumultuous life. Arthur kissed her and she awoke, fluttering her long lashes up at him. They talked about their excitement to watch the tournament, about something funny Gwaine had said the night before, and her brother. Everything but Merlin even though he might be on her mind as well. Arthur had not told her yet what he did to protect his manservant.

Just as he was about to, Merlin backed into their room pulling an ornate trolley. It was a holiday so the royals were getting something extra to their usual menus.

"Good morning," Merlin told them cheerfully enough.

Without waiting for them to say it back to him, Merlin feverishly set the food out on their table. Arthur was perplexed again by the amount of layers Merlin was wearing indoors. He saw that the bruise on Merlin's jaw only looked worse in the daylight. Gwen seemed to have noticed it for the first time because she frowned up at Arthur, wordlessly touching her own jaw. Arthur shrugged and shook his head.

They ate breakfast in determined happiness. Merlin obeyed every order, albeit slower than usual. Soon, it was time to dress. Gwen left to her dressing room, leaving Arthur alone with Merlin. Now getting the chance to look at Merlin properly, Arthur was disappointed.

But, Arthur commented nonchalantly, "You didn't sleep in? I did."

Merlin scoffed, "I think sometimes you forget that I'm your manservant. I've got a job to do."

Arthur guffawed, "Oh, I think sometimes you do, too!"

Merlin chuckled, "I set myself up for that one, didn't I?"

Arthur was nearly fooled into feeling like this was just like old times because Merlin was laughing at his jokes and seemed cheerful. It was the little details that kept Arthur firmly reality. When Merlin smiled, his cheeks didn't get any plumper. His usually fruity voice had changed to gravelly.

Arthur knew the bruise and cut were unrelated to the problem at hand because Queen Annis had only arrived yesterday and Merlin has been wasting away for weeks prior.

Arthur turned his back on Merlin, playing like he was looking for something on his desk, "If I offered you time-off ... would you take it?"

He thought Merlin was going to say 'yes'. The pause was long enough to expect one. But ...

"I don't think I'm at that point yet, Sire." was Merlin's response.

Arthur sighed loud enough for Merlin to hear him and hung his head, his broad shoulders tensing. He heard Merlin shifting his weight anxiously in the silence that followed. They were talking about it without talking about it. Arthur groaned and rubbed his face, ruffling his hair. He gazed over his shoulder at Merlin, feeling utterly powerless.

"You'll tell me when you're at that point. Ok?" Arthur told him.

Merlin seemed pleasantly baffled, "Don't worry. I'll be ok."

Not '_I'm ok_'. It was '_I'll _be_ ok_'. Arthur felt a distinct unpleasant difference. So, there was something wrong and Merlin was acknowledging it. This _could _be considered progress.

Arthur just hoped it wasn't going to be one step forward, two steps back. Clearing his throat to break this little staring contest, Arthur lead the way out of the chamber.

* * *

><p><strong>MERLIN<strong>

He had been tempted to accept Arthur's offer for time-off. At least ask how long his leave of absence would be. It would be much easier to pack on the pounds to fix his magic if he could just lay around all day. But, he could feel Arthur's sadness radiating off him. He wanted Arthur to believe that he was not sick and that there was still time.

That was what lead Merlin to turning it down. He didn't think it worked just yet so he'd have to give an effort today to please the young king. He regretted it a little when they left the hospitable castle for the frigid grounds, Merlin transporting Arthur's armor in a large chest. Arthur wasn't participating in the joust but was still going to wear the uniform. Hooking his hands around the handles, Merlin's arms were useless to carry the weight.

He relied on the strength of his boney back and grip to manage it. His initial plan to keep dry was thwarted just as they were reaching the king's tent. Slipping on a frozen pond which Arthur had easily stepped over, Merlin fell forward and toppled over the wooden chest into a pile of dirty snow. Everyone watched the accident and most were laughing. Everyone but the knights, the queen, and Arthur.

Feeling tremendously sore and wet, Merlin righted himself.

"I'm sorry, Sire." his voice sounded so brittle. "I hope I didn't scratch any of it."

He had never felt worse in his life. He was sleep-deprived, weak, and aching all over. At least he wasn't hungry or feeling his heartburn all that much. He was beating off the snow when Gwaine came to 'help' - it felt more like he was being punched again. The knights were so strong.

Merlin knew Gwaine didn't mean to hurt him. But he leaned away from his swiping hands. Arthur must have seen his grimaces or heard his small hisses of pain because he sent the knights off to dress and directed Merlin into his tent with Gwen.

"Stay in here or you'll get sick," Gwen told Merlin. "Just sit quietly right here. Help yourself to the snacks if you get hungry."

There really was not much of a difference between staying inside the tent and being outside. The fabric was made to look pretty, not for much function. The cold was making its way in through the gaps just fine. Feeling distinctly like a child being scolded by his parents, Merlin was poised to make a sarcastic remark about its pointlessness. Arthur seemed to sense it and Merlin saw him shake his head sternly behind Gwen's back.

After dressing Arthur in his armor, the royal couple left him. Arthur seemed angry with Merlin as he had not said a word about the embarrassing incident. So much for making him believe Merlin will be alright. By the end of the day, Merlin wouldn't be surprised at all if Arthur fired him for real. For his sake.

Merlin did not want that to happen. Hearing the tournament starting by the audience cheering, Merlin tried to dry himself using magic. His eyes glowed and most of his clothes dried. No matter how many times he repeated the spell, _those _wet spots stayed stubbornly soaked. He wanted to pace around to generate body heat but he was still so achy from falling on the hard cold ground.

He begrudgingly accepted his fate to sit on this uncomfortable chest for the whole tournament, feeling like he was stealing from Arthur's snacks even though he was given permission.


	6. Lost Control

**Chapter Six**

**Lost Control**

* * *

><p><strong>ARTHUR<strong>

The king of Camelot felt like the rope in a game of tug-o-war. He was on the side of contentment one hour and jerked to the side of woe the next. Merlin was always a clumsy fool since the day he met the young man. A boy from Ealdor, paler than one would expect of a farmer. Slender silhouette with padding of muscle and fat to those tall bones.

However, over time that fat and muscle was chiseled away. Arthur was shocked that Merlin had not broken anything when he slipped on that frozen puddle. When Arthur turned to sit back down, he saw that Gwen was troubled.

"He looks thin. _Frighteningly_-so." Guinevere commented so quietly Arthur had to focus to hear his wife. "If you had not asked me to give him the sweets yesterday, I might've done it myself."

Arthur shrugged in bravado, "He's always been thin."

Guinevere sighed and shook her head, "_Arthur _-!"

"I'm not overworking him if that's what you're thinking."

"Then perhaps he's ill?"

Arthur grinned at her, "Guinevere, remember who Merlin shares a chamber with."

Guinevere chewed on her lip, "If he's not ill and you're not overworking him ... what other explanations are there?"

Arthur shrugged, "Some men get fat with age, others stay stubbornly-thin."

"How did Merlin get that bruise, Arthur?" Guinevere asked him quietly. "On his jaw?"

Arthur whispered back, "One of Queen Annis's manservants roughed him up. I took care of him, don't worry."

"I wish I could have been there to see it. How could anyone bully innocent Merlin. He is nothing but sweet." Gwen scathed and Arthur chuckled when she said 'sweet'; she asked, "Has the manservant complained to his queen?"

Arthur never worried that would happen. Even if it did, it was not grounds for breaking the peace treaty between their kingdoms. The man was a cowardly bully and wimps like him, however large, have confidence as fragile as glass.

"It would be his word against mine," Arthur sighed, holding her gloved hand. "It was as though he were _flaunting _the fact that he struck Merlin. Proud of himself, he was. It would be like a duel between myself and Merlin. It was unfair. And he taunted Merlin the whole dance -"

"So, that's why you were so distracted." Gwen bowed her head understandingly. "Did Merlin _tell _you it was this manservant?"

"Merlin wouldn't tell me his own hair was on fire." Arthur scoffed, shaking his head.

"He doesn't want you to worry," Gwen shrugged.

"I don't worry about manservants." Arthur said, then he gave her a side-eye smirk.

"I know you do. And you most certainly worry about your friends." Gwen smiled warmly.

Arthur adjusted his sword hilt to sit more comfortably.

"I have enough to worry about without Merlin. Guinevere, look at Merlin's track record. Usually he injures himself. He's accident-prone." He spoke in a hushed voice, "He's growing up. I've offered him time off to get better but he refused me."

"He'll come around." Gwen assured him, kissing his knuckles. "You are so good to him, to me, and to this kingdom, Arthur."

Arthur gulped then gave her a kiss on the lips, "Or I'll fire him. Whichever comes first."

Gwen swatted him on his burly shoulder but giggled.

* * *

><p><strong>MERLIN<strong>

There were two official types of jousts: Joust a plaisance, and Pas d'armes. _This _joust was neither. The matches weren't to determine the statuses of the participants. It was a more casual event strictly for entertainment (and to show off the might of Arthur's knights to Queen Annis). It was only for fun.

_Entertainment. _

Merlin was left wondering how knocking each other off horseback with long sticks for the whole afternoon could in any way be construed as 'fun'. At least it wasn't sword dueling. Avoiding the rich entrées, Merlin had eaten so much of the bread he felt like it had piled up his throat. But he had barely eaten half the amount he has seen Arthur put away. Then again, Arthur had a different activity regiment than Merlin did.

Sure, it took a lot out of the young sorcerer to keep after the king. Arthur was eating, training, and exercising to fit the mold of a strong king. Merlin was ... well, not so much. He was rounding the table when his vision swam and his blue eyes turned yellow. He heard the ringing clattering of plates and utensils.

He thought he saw objects flying about inside the royal tent. His magic was taking on a life of its own. Merlin didn't understand why. He had eaten a considerable amount just a moment ago. His heart was hammering in his chest.

Then his flashy golden eyes rolled upward and he crumbled to the frosted ground, losing consciousness.

Merlin awoke to the explosive sound of someone being knocked off his horse and the crowd cheering. Merlin felt a singing sensation across his cheekbone. When he touched his sharp chin, he could feel blood dripping from his lip. His lip wound had reopened and he also felt a warm pool on his back. He did not remember how he ended up on the hard ground.

He gingerly pushed himself to sit on his heels, feeling lightheaded. The more his surroundings came into focus, the greater Merlin's panic grew. Half the buffet was splattered on the ground. Trunks were overturned. Plates and utensils were scattered across the ground.

Merlin remembered what had happened and was deeply frightened.

"No!" he gasped, his deep voice brittle. "N-No!"

He pushed himself to his feet and felt a pain in his lower back that nearly buckled him back to the ground. He reached his hand around to the spot and felt a thin metal handle. Wincing, he pulled it out and saw that it was a fork. His magic had been so out of control that he had stabbed himself. If he had not been wearing his coat, the wound would have been much deeper.

But, it was not dark enough to hide the blood stain. Thank goodness there had not been anything deadlier in the tent like a sword or spear. Merlin wiped his blood off it with the hem of his shirt and stowed it away in his coat to boil-clean later. He was breathing shallowly and his thin body was jittering anxiously.

"What have I done to me?" he asked.

His sloped shoulders wilted further, coming to the realization that he'd need extra help to get this place back to the way Arthur and Gwen had left it. Merlin poised himself and raised his right hand. He gave the spell and there was the pain in his chest again. But, Merlin kept his hand up till all the items he had wrecked floated back into place. He staggered backwards to a tent pole and held himself upright there, clutching at his chest and panting as though he had trekked up a mountain.

Nothing could be done about the soiled food. Merlin stepped away from the pole once he caught his breath and braced himself for the pain again when he made the food disappear. Bracing was futile. It felt like his heart was coming apart. Merlin licked at his bloodied lip and sagged on the table, resisting collapsing in either the king or queen's chairs.

This day could not have gone any worse. Now Merlin was a danger to himself. His heart was barely slowing down. He could not ignore this problem any longer.

Merlin was dabbing his lip with his neckerchief when Arthur and Gwen returned from the arena, Gwain passed by the tent flap splattered in cold mud. Arthur frowned at Merlin's exposed collarbone again and Gwen gulped worriedly.

Merlin jolted when he realized they had returned and the neckerchief slipped from his fingers, revealing the ugly slice.

"What happened to all the food? I know you didn't eat it all." Arthur accused; upon seeing Merlin's swollen lip, he strode closer, "Now what the hell happened?"

Merlin scrambled for an excuse in his rattled state of mind, "I-I-I was polishing your armor. A piece cut my lip."

"He's wearing his armor, Merlin." Gwen pointed out suspiciously.

Merlin felt cornered, "It happened yesterday. The scab was itchy and I accidentally scratched it off. That's why it looks fresh."

Arthur did not know why Merlin was lying any more than Merlin did. After a few moments passed of awkward silence, Merlin moved between them and grabbed the reins of the horses tied outside the tent. He tried to move in such a way to hide the stain on the back of his coat.

He used the horses to hide it, "I'll get these horses in the paddock for you."

Merlin returned from his chore about two hours later. His arms were heavy from brushing the horses' coats and hoisting the heavy leather saddles. The horses seemed to sense that Merlin was not quite himself and did not give him as much trouble as they would have normally. As taxing as the grooming was, it gave him time to decide how to tell Gaius what happened. Merlin returned to Arthur in the dining hall for dinner with Queen Annis.

This was a more formal festivity. The royals were seated at the long dining table and there was a marvelous array of food there. More importantly for Merlin, Gaius was invited. He might not have to wait till bedtime to tell the physician what had happened. The longer he stayed in the dining hall waiting his opportunity, he grew more paranoid that he would lose control of his magic again.

And in front of Arthur!

His anxiety must have shown on his face, because Arthur was gazing at him in such a concerned way. Merlin's face must have been so pale and sweaty. Arthur was halfway out of his seat at the head of the table when Merlin shook his head fervently. Arthur furrowed his brows then he gave a dismissive bow of his head. Merlin ducked out of the dining hall in a hurry, only a few noticing him leave.


	7. Last Hope

**Chapter Seven**

**Last Hope**

* * *

><p><strong>MERLIN<strong>

Merlin was struggling to clean his tiny stab wound when Gaius returned from the royal feast. He had a basket on his arm. Merlin was only wearing his trousers, socks, and boots. He was so cold he was considering sleeping in his boots. Merlin became very self-conscious with his torso exposed. His shoulder blades, spine, and ribs were cast in an unflattering light in the glow of the fire.

"If you sit any closer, you'll catch on fire." Gaius sighed.

But, Merlin was _still_ shivering. He might have forgotten how it felt to be warm. Gaius walked closer and Merlin removed the cloth from the wound.

Merlin turned to warm his hands, avoiding Gaius's gaze, "I fell unconscious in the royal tent earlier today. During the joust. Before I fell down, I made many objects fly from their posts. I didn't mean to but I was so out of control. A fork stabbed my back."

Gaius sat behind Merlin on another stool. He did not reply right away. Merlin could feel his disappointment and fear.

Gaius asked, "Had you not eaten since breakfast?"

Merlin gazed up at him, "Actually, I ate a bunch of bread before."

"Too much?"

"Piled up to my throat," Merlin confirmed sourly, gazing at the fire.

Gaius stitched the wound. Merlin was so numb with cold, he barely felt the sharpness of the needle. Just the dull tug of the thread through his pale-white skin. Gaius patted his shoulder after tying and cutting the thread. Merlin stood up so that Gaius could wrap a bandage about his tiny waist.

"Your magic is from the earth," Gaius said. "If the weather were not so lethal, I'd prescribe spending time outside. Connecting with nature."

Merlin gave a small smile at the thought. He missed picking medicinal herbs for Gaius. The smell of the trees, the wild flowers, the melodic brooks. Now several feet of snow blanket the kingdom.

"We'll have to make due till the snow melts." Gaius said briskly. "In the mean time, I shall write you up a strict diet regiment. In the morning, I'll tell Arthur you've taken ill. Will you stay in my chambers for a few days?"

"When can I serve Arthur again?" Merlin asked.

Gaius sighed, "If you make it to Sunday without a magical incident ... I will release you."

Merlin knew he had no other option. He was glad that Gaius would lie to keep his secret safe. Gaius loved Merlin like he would his own child but he watched Arthur grow up. It can't be easy to lie to Arthur all the time, harboring a sorcerer in magic-phobic Camelot. Merlin gazed around the chambers, his home feeling more like a prison cell by his predicament.

"This has been one of the biggest mistakes I've ever made." Merlin acknowledged softly. "... And I was in complete control of it."

"You didn't want help." Gaius said.

Merlin bowed his head, "I didn't believe I needed it."

A tear slipped down his sunken cheek. Gaius shushed him and embraced his ward.

* * *

><p><strong>ARTHUR<strong>

Arthur was having a nightmare. He twitched restlessly in bed, making Gwen frown but she did not wake up. In this nightmare, his dream-self awoke with a start. Gaius was inside the king's chambers.

"Merlin passed away in his sleep, Sire." said Gaius, his eyes glassy with tears.

Arthur's knights materialized in the chamber, all sobbing at the news. Gwen was crying and holding her brother, comforting each other. Arthur felt alone, to blame.

Merlin's mother, Hunith, appeared at Arthur's bedside, "You failed my son! I sent him here so that he would be safe! What kind of a king are you? Why didn't you save him?! My son!"

Arthur awoke for real, sitting up in bed and spluttering nonsensically. He was sweating through his clothes which was a steep feat as the castle was so cold due to the winter. When he was sure it had all been nothing more than a dream, he groaned and hid his face in his hands. The thought of Merlin dying made Arthur so nauseous he might vomit over the side of the bed. Gwen eased awake at the sound of his distress.

"... Arthur?" she moaned groggily, barely awake.

He rubbed his face, "Just a nightmare, Guinevere. Go back to sleep, my love."

"It's past 7 o'clock. It's time to wake up anyways. Do you want to share your dream with me -?" She was interrupted by a knock at the door.

Arthur jolted at the sound of it then chuckled at himself for Gwen's benefit. He stopped laughing when Gaius entered with Gwen's maid and a manservant who was not Merlin: George.

"Gaius?" he croaked, fearing his nightmare was about to come true.

"I'm sorry to make such an early visit but Merlin has taken ill. He is contagious so he will need a few days off from work." Gaius told them. "He apologizes for any inconvenience this may cause and promises to be back as soon as he's better."

Merlin has been losing weight for two months and has been spending all that time with Arthur. If Merlin were so contagious, the king ought to have been stricken too. But, Arthur was a healthy 180 pounds for his height. Taut with powerful muscles perfect for wearing hefty metal armor in combat. Merlin and Arthur were often in close proximity to each other.

Merlin dressed, fed, and cleaned for the king daily. Arthur didn't like the feeling that Gaius could be wrong. He had thought he would feel relieved that Merlin was taking time off to get better. Now that it had happened, he just worried more.

"When will he be alright, Gaius?" asked Gwen.

"A ... rare parasite needs to be removed, your Grace." He replied to Gwen; He turned to Arthur, "It's the cause of why he dropped in weight so dramatically, Sire. Lack of appetite." He said to the pair of them, "Yes, I expect a full recovery."

Arthur found his voice, "A _parasite_?"

"Yes, Sire." Gaius replied.

Arthur left his bed, "Merlin has plenty of an appetite. He ravaged a mutton chop not two days ago like a starving hound." He moved closer to Gaius, "And you claimed he could eat twice as much as my knights that same night."

Gaius glanced at Gwen as though for help.

Arthur realized what he was accusing Gaius of, "I'm sorry, Gaius. I just want you to be certain this is all that's wrong with Merlin."

"I am completely and utterly certain of it, my king. I only regret Merlin was not diagnosed sooner." Gaius bowed apologetically, "I'll get out of your way so that you can get on with your holiday."

Arthur watched Gaius leave, feeling conflicted. But, he was not a physician and even a king can't argue with one.

* * *

><p><strong>MERLIN<strong>

With Gaius's lie given, Merlin had four days to look forward to confined to the chambers. He needed outlets to entertain him while in quarantine. Gaius brought him a stack of books to read, an old backgammon set, and a newer alquerque board. The old physician had to make his rounds in the lower town. But kept Merlin company otherwise.

Watching him like a hawk, ensuring he cleaned off every plate. After Merlin's bad reactions to overeating, Gaius forced him to start off slowly. This was difficult as Merlin had hoped for a quick fix.

"The descent is often easier than the climb," Gaius said.

On parchment, it seemed quite simple. For the first two days, Merlin ate a 1/2 cup of watery oatmeal for breakfast, chicken with beans for dinner, and vegetable chicken soup for supper. He ate fruits for snacks in between. Merlin had forgotten how to eat regular meals like this. He had neglected himself so badly.

Though he had not seen a change in his weight yet, his bandage hardly feeling tight by the end of the day, there were other signs that he was improving. The bruise on his jaw was fading and the cut on his lip was sealing. He cleaned his tiny stab wound regularly and it was starting to scab over, too. He felt good ... till he got hungrier. After managing those two days without a hitch, Gaius expanded his diet.

Merlin's belly was ready, feeling hungrier now that it was getting regular meals. His heartburn was gone. But he had some apprehension about pushing his limit, fearing his magic would explode out of control again. For the last two days, Merlin ate bread with jam for breakfast, half a ham and cheese sandwich for dinner, and chicken vegetable soup with a goblet of milk and a side salad for dinner. He still at his fruit snacks and Gaius added one more before bed.

He felt a strain on his bandage but his magic remained quiet. The day had arrived to return to work.

Checking his reflection in the mirror, Merlin thought he _might_ look better. It may be a fool's hope. His wounds weren't as noticeable at least. Gaius gave the OK to remove the bandage. Removing the stitches was more painful than Merlin anticipated after getting them.

But, he reveled in the pain. His body was getting warmer and he was glad he could feel the pain. It didn't take long and Merlin did not let a note of complaint escape his lips. He hoped that Arthur would see an improvement in his appearance. For breakfast that day, Merlin ate 2 slices of bread with butter, one egg, 1/4 cup of raisins, and downed it with juice.

He was allowed to pack cheese with crackers for his in-between snack.

"Take it easy with your tasks now. And tell Arthur that I need you to return to my chambers during dinner. After you serve him, of course." Gaius ordered. "On the menu for your dinner is a ham and egg sandwich, a bowl of vegetables, and ale."

"Finally, variety." Merlin joked. Then he smiled down at Gaius, "Thank you for saving me, Gaius."

"Knock wood! We've still got a road to cover," Gaius replied, but he grinned up at Merlin. "Remember, no magic. I'll let you practice in a week or so ... under close supervision."

Merlin dipped to hug Gaius, squeezing him with renewing strength and patting him on the back. Unfortunately, Gaius did the same back. Merlin was wincing after he closed the door. He was wearing his coat but not so many layers of shirts this time. He could see a light flickering at the end of this tunnel.

* * *

><p><strong>ARTHUR<strong>

"Rise and shine!" came Merlin's voice energetically.

Arthur thought he might be dreaming again. But, there was Merlin throwing apart the curtains. Arthur shared a look of disbelief with Gwen, sort of checking that she was seeing the same Merlin he was seeing. Their breakfast was hot and ready on their table. Their clothes were ready to be worn. It was almost like normal.

Gwen beamed at him, "Merlin! It's so good to see you. Gaius had us worried."

Merlin grinned down at her, "I'm not contagious anymore. I'm good as new, Your Grace." He showed her a pouch tied to his belt, "I have to eat snacks to keep up my strength, though. But, I'm back."

The last three words were obviously for the king. If he weren't still so emaciated, Arthur would have believed those words more. But, Merlin was behaving more cheerfully than he had the last time Arthur saw him. The bruise was still there on his sharp jaw. Gwen left to be dressed by her maids. She would return to eat breakfast with Arthur.

"How are you feeling?" Arthur asked Merlin once they were in private. "Tell me the truth."

Merlin lifted up his shirt just high enough to show the wound, grinning, "Gaius removed the parasite."

He quickly let the shirt drop so Arthur had barely a few seconds to see his jutting spine.

Arthur was stubborn, "That's not an answer."

Merlin chuckled uneasily, fixing his shirt, "You _want _to talk about my feelings, Arthur?"

Arthur rolled his eyes, "When you put it like that, Merlin, it makes it sound like I -"

"Care." Merlin finished his sentence.

Arthur paused and they stared for too long for a mere manservant and a king. But, Merlin was not a mere manservant. He was Arthur's closest friend.

"You'd have to be even more of a fool than you look to think that I don't after all these years." Arthur admitted.

The corners of Merlin's lips twitched, "I'm not quite at full strength yet, Arthur. But Gaius has me on the path to it." He carried to the bed the set of clothes to dress Arthur in. "By the way, he needs me to stop by his chambers during your dinner. For a checkup. Do you mind?"

Arthur smirked and lied, "I got used to your absence the last four days. I think I'll manage another hour."

He could tell by Merlin's chuckle that he did not believe that Arthur did not miss him. He took the pile of clothes behind his ornate changing screen. He did not need his chainmail today. Even if he did, he would have changed the schedule for Merlin's sake.

"Gaius wants me to take it easy for a while. Recovery and all that, you know." Merlin added after some silence.

Arthur scoffed, "I was hoping I'd seen the back of George for a while."

"I'm sorry, Arthur." Merlin chuckled. "I'll do everything I can."

"You tell me when you have to stop." Arthur laid a hand on Merlin's shoulder, "I won't judge." Merlin bowed his head and Arthur patted that shoulder, "I'm glad that you're getting better."

Merlin looked obviously relieved to hear him say that. Like he got some satisfaction from it. Arthur would let Merlin do everything he had to in order to heal. He owed Merlin that after years of putting up with the king.


End file.
